my mind is scared

This past week I've had much weighing on my mind. One of those, and the biggest I would say is accepting my new job. At first I was torn with should I take it. Should I stay? How will this effect our lives. How will this effect R's school? I was so stressed and scared that I made myself sick, like doubled over sick and was completely exhausted. I've finally made a decision [of course with the help and support of R] and we're going. But I still have a nervous/sad feeling in my guts. I'm scared for many reasons. In less than a month we are going on vacation. We are looking for an apartment and moving everything we own. I will have to figure out exactly what it is I'm teaching and gather information and curriculum for who knows where so the students [who apparently look the same ago as I do as I was told by the principle who hired me] don't think I'm an idiot and not take me seriously. I have to do a whole bunch of other things to be qualified for the job and to get my teaching license. I keep telling myself every few hours to not worry. It's going to get done and it won't help to worry. But sometimes I still worry.

I have also realized how sad I am going to be to leave Rexburg. I know I can't believe I'm saying it either, but we have made some pretty amazing friends here the last while and I don't know if I'm ready to leave them. We also live close to both sides of our family whom we are really going to miss seeing all the time. When you're in college you're surrounded my young people whom you have a bunch in common with. It's a great time for friends. I'm not so sure it will be that easy in Ogden even though I am crossing my fingers.

For now I'm going to push every though of new jobs and a new home out of my mind [or at least try my very hardest] and go on a trip with my most favorite person in the world and have the best time possible. We will be gone for a week. I'm not going to bother with blogging 1 because this time is just for R and 2. we won't have internet so I couldn't if I wanted to.


McKenzie said...

wow, im so happy for you but i am seriously going to miss you. I know youre worried about things but you are one of the most motivated, talented people I know and I know you can do it all! Have fun on your trip and we'll help ya pack when you get back, loves you!

Rae said...

I have a lot of thoughts.
My first thought was, "Chels will get it all done. She always does. She'll sacrifice a lot of sleep, but she'll get it done." And I know you will.
In regards to your worries about leaving Rexburg and starting a new life....I have a lot of thoughts on that.
Even though you've had your feelings about leaving and been so antsy, doesn't mean it's not okay to feel sad. I was SO ready to leave and knew it was time when it came, but I still cried when I walked out of my apartment and cried when I drove away. There is something really special about that place and you just can't help but feel a little tug on your heart knowing that chapter's ending. I'm even getting a little teary eyed just writing it out, haha.
The good news is, which I'm sure you've already thought of....you're not going too far! Even though it's further from friends and family than you are now, it is still really close and so easy for a quick weekend. Hurray!
Leaving friends sucks. It SUCKS!! Big time. You know how much I miss you and all my other friends out west, but I have made some really incredible friends out here and am so thankful for all the people I've met who've truly enriched my life. I know the same will happen for you in Ogden. I will say, it is definitely a lot tougher to make friends, GOOD friends, when you're out of the college "scene" and in the real world. But it will come with time. And when it gets hard, you always still have your best friend.
And that's the best part. Be SO grateful you are doing this all with him, and not by yourself. I'm grateful for the ways I've grown because I've been single, but I can't help but be envious of those who get to face these changes with their best friend right there. :)
Okay, maybe that got too personal and maybe this is way too long for a comment. Oh well.
I love you Chels. And I know as well as anyone how hard the transition is to becoming a real grown up with a real job and really really being on your own. You've been taking care of yourself for a long time. You'll do just fine.
I love you!!!!