me·di·oc·ri·ty/ˌmēdēˈäkrətē/Noun
1. The quality or state of being mediocre.
2. A person of mediocre ability.
Is it ok to just be mediocre?
This idea has been winding through my thoughts the past week. You see I've been on a family trip and then to the funeral of my grandpa the past weeks. It has provided me with the opportunity of relaxing, reflection, and family.
All my life I've been a hard worker. I've had goals and dreams in mind that I have worked hard to achieve. Some I have and some I'm still working on. Sometimes I have so many goals and desires to "make something of myself" that I don't enjoy life as much as I could. I definitely don't relax much. Instead of sitting with my husband I'm painting or blogging or running or something "productive." I'm not saying this is a bad thing. It's probably more good than bad, but as I enjoyed my family and pondered the meaning of life. What it's about. What's most important. One word kept coming to my mind. Ryley. aka Family. I love Ryley so much. He calms me. He pushes me. He soothes my heavy heart and mind. He makes me smile and laugh. He makes life happy. He makes me happy.
Now family and love is not a mediocre thing to find. It's very unusual to find, to have, and to hold on to. But sometimes I want more. I want to become a respected artist and designer. I want to build a career and become someone respected. I want this because I feel like every person is great and needs to continue to push themselves and become the greatest person they can become. I feel like I have something to share with the world to make it better and I don't want to waste my time watching tv when I can be bettering myself and perhaps/hopefully helping and inspiring others. I see others who follow their dreams and succeed. I want that.
I feel so torn. When I started writing this I felt like I just wanted to focus on family. Now I want both. Sometimes this is such a hard thing to balance. To figure out which is more important. To do what you love and inspire others, and still have time to love and be inspired by your family, your true love. Sometimes I wish I felt content to be mediocre, but some times I'm glad I don't.
There is nothing wrong with being mediocre. Most people in life are. It's hard to become that famous actress or artist or lawyer. I have decided I won't feel bad if no one ever knows my name. I won't because I know that I will constantly be striving to become better and more than I am right now. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically stronger. I hope I can always keep this drive, but that I will be able to find the balance between pushing myself and being able to sit and breath and enjoy.
I want to be able to inspire others, but mostly I want to always be inspired. I hope I can always look at life with a positive eye and see the beauty all around.
I feel like my favorite quote goes along with my thoughts today...
Live vibrantly not perfectly
