Update

I swear every time I decide to set more goals and take my life in a certain direction something changes.....

So here I was at a new teacher meeting. I had to get a substitute for my class. [the first time that I have been gone from my classroom]. Kimmie [my only friend at Weber, she's the jewelry teacher] and I were at the district office for the morning learning about different teaching strategies. It was the first really cold day of the year and it was Friday and I was so done with the week. On the way back to my classroom to finish up teaching for the second half of the day I get a text message from the principal telling me to come talk to him as soon as I got back to school. Ummmm even though I'm not a student it still made me nervous to have to principal text me. It honestly felt like a cop just flipped around behind me. Ohhh I hate that feeling.

So I get to the school and Velden comes and tells me he let the dance coach go and that he would like Morgan and I to take over. Now people who don't know dance let me fill you in on what it entails. 18 hours of practice each week. That's every morning at 6 am, 2 nights a week for 4 hours, and Saturday mornings from 8-12. This doesn't count competitions, cutting music, choreography, fund raisers, football + basketball games, costumes, parents, parents, parents..... Let me just tell you. It's a lot. A whole lot. My first thought was to scream NO NO NO! I can't. I''m too tiard! I don't know what I'm doing! But I didn't. I said yes. I said yes because I knew that the girls needed us. Not that we are all amazing, but because we have a slight clue on what's going on and we have competition in 6 weeks. Yikes!

I have only been a coach for 12 days. I am already exhausted. I have already felt every emotion at least 100 times. I have already spent 14 hours straight locked up in my windowless school dancing, teaching, dancing. I go to school when it's dark. I leave when it's dark. Yes, it has been so hard. Harder than teaching. I am both mentally and physically drained to the bone. But I would be lying if I didn't like [on my way to love] it. In 12 days I have already learned so much about being a coach. About motivating people. About how to treat people in general. Morgan and I are in a tough spot. The girls have so much to accomplish before competition, and what they know falls on our shoulders. We have had to crack down hard on them. They run laps if they talk. They run if they're late. We push them every day to perfect and clean each dance. I've been worried that they were going to hate us. They haven't. They are working so hard and they have such great attitudes. They make me want to work harder for them. They make me want to be a more positive person.

I know I have so much to learn about dancing and coaching and teaching. I know that these next 3 months are going to be so hard. I will be so tired and stressed and I'm sure I'll want to quit at least once a week, probably more. But I won't. I might not be around to blog. I might not get to work on my art and my individual passions. I may not get to spend all my time with R. But I know I'll learn and grow. And I hope hope hope that I will be able to make a few girls lives better as well. When we moved to Ogden neither of us really wanted to be here. I knew that I was supposed to take the job and I did. Every day I have been trying to be positive and to figure out why I'm supposed to be here. Maybe this is the reason. Maybe I'll be able to make a difference with these girls. Maybe it will teach me what I need to learn to prepare myself for whats to come. I'm not sure. I will probably never be sure. I do know that I'm going to try my hardest and see what happens. Who knows how much I'll be blogging. Who knows how much of anything I'll be doing but teaching and dancing. I'll try hard to update because I could use the support!